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End of Life

Diagnosis

If a doctor tells you that you have an illness that can’t be cured and that you might die from, it can be very hard to hear. This is called a terminal illness.

Everyone feels differently. At first, you may feel nothing or you may feel either calm or upset. 

Over time, you might feel:

  • Shocked
  • Scared
  • Angry
  • Sad
  • Frustrated
  • Lonely
  • Relieved

You might feel all of these, or just a few. They can come and go in any order. There is no right or wrong way to feel.

However you feel, you don’t have to go through it alone.

Hearing that your illness can’t be cured can be very scary. You might not understand everything the doctor says. If you’re on your own, ask if a family member or friend can come with you next time.

You can also ask the doctor:

  • What help is there for you?
  • Can you see a special care team to help you feel more comfortable.

Your GP (family doctor) can also help. You can ask them:

  • What support is nearby?
  • Is there information about your illness?
  • Can you get money to help?
  • Are there groups or people to talk to?

You don’t have to go through this alone. There are people who want to help. 

Hospice UK's Dying Matters website provides a range of resources for people affected by terminal illnesses.

You may hear the term end of life care. This is care for people who are in the last year of life and to help people live as well as possible and to die with dignity. The last year of life can be difficult to predict as it will depend on the person and their underlying condition.

Not everyone feels ready to talk about their illness. But finding out you have a serious illness that can’t be cured can bring up a lot of worries and fears. Talking about these feelings can really help. It can stop them from building up and becoming too hard to handle on your own.

You might want to talk to someone about how you feel. This could be your partner, family, friends, a doctor, nurse, counsellor, or a religious leader.

People close to you might also feel sad or worried. If it’s hard to talk to them, you could speak to someone who isn’t as close, like a counsellor. Talking can help you feel less alone.

Find councillors on the Leeds Directory (LINK)

If you can’t sleep at night, it can help to talk to someone. You could call a friend, a family member, or a helpline like Samaritans.

When you have an illness that can’t be cured, it can feel scary and confusing. You might have lots of questions, like:

  • What will happen to my body?
  • Will I still be able to do things on my own?
  • What will happen at work or school?
  • How much time do I have?

Not knowing the answers can feel upsetting. That’s normal. Talking to other people who are going through something similar can help.

You can ask your doctor or nurse if there are any local support groups for people with the same illness as you.

You can also get help from charities like Marie Curie. They have:

  • Local support groups
  • A free phone line
  • An online community where you can talk to others
  • Helpful information on their website

Find out about other charities that can support you on the Leeds Directory (LINK)

It’s normal to feel shocked, sad, angry, or helpless. But sometimes, these feelings don’t go away. You might feel so low that you can’t do the things you want to do.

If this happens, it’s important to talk to a doctor.

Medicine can help, and counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can make a difference to how you're coping.

One step at a time

When things feel too big or scary, try to break them into smaller parts. You can take things one day at a time or one week at a time.

Set small goals to help you feel more confident. For example:

  • Put family photos in an album
  • Visit a friend

You can still think about big things, like where you want to be cared for in the future, but you don’t have to do everything at once.

Write down your worries

If you feel like everything is out of control, writing down your worries can help.
It can show you what matters most and help you talk to your family, friends, or carers.

Look after yourself

Try to do things that make you happy. Things like massage or nice smells (aromatherapy) can help you feel better. Your family and friends will feel better too if they know you’re looking after yourself.

Let people help you. You can ask for things like:

  • A lift to the doctor
  • Help with shopping
  • Meals to keep in the freezer
Last updated: 29/01/2025