- Do not be afraid to acknowledge the death
- People may need to keep going over the details of the death and events leading up to it - be a good listener.
- Do not be afraid to talk openly about the person who has died
- Recognise the pain underneath any expressed anger.
- Try to be available but be aware that bereavement is exhausting, and people need time and space. Call in for short visits like a quick cup of tea or write a short note rather than a long letter.
- Let the person know that you are there and are not afraid of tears or strong emotions.
- Offer specific help rather than general help.
- Invite the bereaved person our or to events, invite them by saying “shall we go out somewhere” rather than saying “you should get out more”.
- Remember, the pain of bereavement does not go away after a few weeks or months but can intensify and may run into years. The effects of bereavement may last a lifetime.
Bereavement
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Supporting someone who has been bereaved
Death and loss can be difficult to talk about, with people not wanting to say “the wrong thing” when supporting someone who has been bereaved. Don’t let your worries and fears stop you from being there when they need you.
- “I know how you feel” we can never know how another may feel. Instead, ask the bereaved person to tell you how they feel
- “Look at what you have to be thankful for” whilst the bereaved person knows they have things to be thankful for, they are currently focused on their bereavement and may feel other things are less important
- “They’re in a better place now” you may not have the same beliefs as the bereaved person. Keep your beliefs to yourself unless asked
- “This is behind you now, it’s time to move on” some people feel that by moving on they are “forgetting” their loved one, or that is not “respectful”. Additionally, people experience grief differently and moving on can be easier said than done
- Statements that begin with “You should” or “You will” these statements are directive and do not take into the bereaved persons own position and experience. Instead, use statements such as: “Have you thought about…” or “You might…”
It can be very emotional to support someone at such a difficult time. It is important to remember to also look after yourself to keep yourself strong and seek support for yourself.